Journey back to Victorian London with us for the ninth episode of The Importance of Being Earnest, based on the original comedy by Oscar Wilde.
Lady Bracknell makes a surprise appearance. And she’s not pleased that Algernon is in love with Cecily.
Narrator Gwendolen and Cecily are angry with Jack and Algernon now they know their real names – neither of them are called Ernest. The two women are inside the house. The men come in trying to look and sound cheerful.
Jack and Algernon [whistling Daisy, Daisy]
Gwendolen I’m sure they’re feeling sorry. Let’s not say anything.
Cecily Certainly not. Mr Moncrieff, why did you pretend to be my guardian’s brother?
Algernon So that I had the opportunity to meet you.
Cecily That seems a satisfactory explanation, doesn’t it Gwendolen?
Gwendolen Yes, if you can believe him.
Cecily I don’t. But his answer was so beautiful.
Gwendolen True. In matters of great importance, it’s style, not truth that is essential. Mr Worthing, why did you pretend to have a brother? Was it so you could come to London to see me?
Jack Do you have any doubts, dear Gwendolen?
Gwendolen I have serious doubts. But I intend to ignore them. Cecily, should we forgive them?
Cecily Yes. I mean no. Probably not. What about their names?
Gwendolen True! I had forgotten!
Gwendolen and Cecily Your names are still a huge problem!
Jack and Algernon Our names! Is that all? But we are going to be christened with a different name this afternoon.
Gwendolen You are prepared to do this terrible thing for me, Jack?
Jack I am.
Cecily To please me you are ready to face this awful experience, Algernon?
Algernon I am!
Gwendolen How can people talk about the equality of the sexes! Men have moments of physical courage which we women know absolutely nothing about.
Cecily Jack, darling!
Algernon Cecily, darling!
Narrator And they fall into each other’s arms. Merriman comes in and coughs loudly. He announces a visitor.
Merriman Ahem! Ahem! Lady Bracknell!
Jack Good heavens!
Lady Bracknell Gwendolen! What does this mean?
Gwendolen** Simply** that I am engaged to Mr Worthing, mamma.
Lady Bracknell Mr Worthing, I followed my daughter by train. Gwendolen is meant to be attending a university lecture. Well, that is what her father thinks. All communication between yourself and my daughter must end immediately.
Jack We are engaged to be married, Lady Bracknell!
Lady Bracknell You are nothing of the kind, sir. And now, what about Algernon! … Algernon!
Algernon Yes, Aunt Augusta.
Lady Bracknell May I ask if it is in this house that your sick friend Mr Bunbury lives?
Algernon Oh! No! Bunbury doesn’t live here. Bunbury is somewhere else at the moment. In fact, Bunbury is dead.
Lady Bracknell Dead! When did he die?
Algernon Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon.
Lady Bracknell He died so suddenly? What did he die of?
Algernon I mean he was discovered! The doctors discovered that he could not live, so he died.
Lady Bracknell He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his doctors. I am glad that he finally made up his mind to take some definite course of action, and acted under proper medical advice. And now, Mr Worthing, who is the young person whose hand my nephew Algernon is holding in an unnecessary way?
Jack That is Miss Cecily Cardew, I’m her guardian.
Algernon I am engaged to Cecily, Aunt Augusta.
Lady Bracknell I beg your pardon?
Cecily Mr Moncrieff and I are engaged to be married, Lady Bracknell.
Narrator Lady Bracknell has to sit down at this news.
Lady Bracknell There seems to be something unusually exciting in the air – the number of engagements seems to be above average. Mr Worthing, is Miss Cardew at all connected with any railway stations in London? I am simply asking. Until yesterday I didn’t know any families or people whose origin was a station.
Jack Miss Cecily Cardew is the granddaughter of the late Mr Thomas Cardew of 149 Belgrave Square; Gervase Park, Surrey; and the Sporran, Fifeshire.
Lady Bracknell Three addresses. That always gives me confidence. I am not unsatisfied.
Jack How extremely kind of you, Lady Bracknell!
Lady Bracknell Now Gwendolen, we have to leave… Just one thing, Mr Worthing, does Miss Cardew have any money?
Jack Oh! About £130,000. That is all. Goodbye, Lady Bracknell. So pleased to have seen you.
Lady Bracknell A moment, Mr Worthing. £130,000! Miss Cardew seems to me a most attractive young lady, now that I look at her. Come over here, dear… Turn round, dear child, so I can see your face.There are definite social possibilities in your face. Algernon!
Algernon Yes, Aunt Augusta!
Lady Bracknell There are definite social possibilities in Miss Cardew.
Algernon I don’t care about social possibilities.
Lady Bracknell Never speak disrespectfully of Society, Algernon. Only people who can’t get into it do that. Now Miss Cardew, of course you know that Algernon has nothing but his debts to depend upon. But I do not approve of marriages for money. Well, I suppose I must give my consent.
Algernon Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
Lady Bracknell The marriage had better take place quite soon. I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the chance to find out each other’s characters before marriage – never a good thing.
Jack I’m sorry to interrupt you, Lady Bracknell, but I am Miss Cardew’s guardian, and I don’t give my consent to this marriage.
Lady Bracknell And why not may I ask? Isn’t Algernon an extremely eligible young man? He has nothing, but he looks everything. What more can one desire?
Jack The fact is that I do not approve of his moral character. He has not been honest.
Narrator Algernon and Cecily look at him amazed.
Lady Bracknell Untruthful! Algernon? Impossible!
Jack I’m afraid there is no doubt. This afternoon he came to my house pretending to be my brother. He has succeeded in one afternoon to change the affections of dear Cecily. He then stayed to tea, and ate all the muffins.
Lady Bracknell Ahem! Mr Worthing, after careful consideration I have decided to forgive my nephew’s behaviour.
Jack That is very generous of you, Lady Bracknell. However I have not changed my mind. I do not give my consent.
Vocabulary
guardian someone who is legally responsible for someone else such as a child whose parents cannot look after them (perhaps because they have died)
christened given a name (usually as a baby) during a religious ceremony in the Christian Church
courage the ability to face difficult situations or danger without showing fear
late recently died
Surrey a county in England near London
Fifeshire a county in Scotland
confidence thinking that someone is good and honest
disrespectful showing lack of respect
debts amounts of money you owe to someone
consent permission
eligible suitable as someone to marry
approve to think someone or something is good
moral good and honest
muffins small, round type of bread that is sliced and eaten hot with butter
Credits
Miss Cecily Cardew: Alice Brown
Miss Gwendolen Fairfax: Sophie Napleton
Jack Worthing: Tim Gibson
Algernon Moncreiff: Darren Benedict
Lady Bracknell: Miranda Jaquarello
Narrator: Finn Aberdein
Original play written by: Oscar Wilde
Adaptation by: Sue Mushin
Illustrator: Magdolna Terray
ELT consultant: Catherine Chapman
Producer: Finn Aberdein