Journey back to Victorian London with us for the eighth episode of The Importance of Being Earnest, based on the original comedy by Oscar Wilde.
It’s time for the men to admit they’re not called Ernest. How will Gwendolen and Cecily react?
Narrator Cecily and Gwendolen both thought they were engaged to someone called Ernest. But Gwendolen has just found out her man’s real name is Jack. Let’s join them in the garden now, where Cecily is asking Algernon an important question…
Cecily Are you engaged to Gwendolen?
Algernon Engaged to Gwendolen? Of course not! What made you think that?
Cecily Thank you.
Narrator And Cecily lets Algernon kiss her on her cheek.
Gwendolen I knew there was some slight error, Miss Cardew. The gentleman who is now embracing you is my cousin, Mr Algernon Moncrieff.
Cecily Algernon! Is your name Algernon?
Algernon I cannot deny it.
Cecily Oh!
Gwendolen Is your name really Jack?
Jack My name certainly is Jack. It’s been Jack for years.
Cecily Gwendolen, we have both been greatly deceived.
Gwendolen My poor Cecily!
Cecily My sweet Gwendolen!
Jack and Algernon
[groan]
Gwendolen Mr Worthing, there is just one question I would like to ask you. Where is your brother Ernest? Cecily and I are both engaged to be married to your brother, so it is a matter of some importance to us to know where he is at present.
Jack Gwendolen, Cecily, it is very painfulfor me to speak the truth and I am really quite inexperienced in doing anything of the kind. However, I will tell you quite frankly that I don’t have a brother Ernest. I don’t have a brother at all. I’ve never had a brother in my life, and I don’t plan to ever have one in the future.
Cecily No brother at all?
Jack None!
Gwendolen Have you never had a brother of any kind?
Jack Never. Not even of any kind.
Gwendolen Cecily, it’s quite clear that neither of us are engaged to be married to anyone.
Cecily It’s not a very pleasant position for a young girl suddenly to find herself in. Is it?
Gwendolen Let’s go in the house. They’ll dare not come after us there.
Cecily No, men are so cowardly, aren’t they?
Narrator And the two women, who minutes before were arguing, now go arm in arm into the house.
Jack This awful situation is what you call Bunburying, I suppose?
Algernon Yes, and a wonderful Bunbury it is.
Jack Well, you’ve no right to Bunbury here.
Algernon That’s absurd. People can Bunbury anywhere they choose. Every serious Bunburyist knows that.
Jack Serious Bunburyist! Good heavens!
Algernon Well, you have to be serious about something.
Jack Well, the only satisfaction I have in all this terrible business is that your friend Bunbury is finished. You won’t be able to run to the country quite as often as you used to, dear Algy.
Algernon Your brother is a little unwell, isn’t he, dear Jack? You won’t be able to disappear to London quite so frequently now.
Jack As for your behaviour towards Miss Cardew, I must say that fooling a sweet, innocent girl like that is quite inexcusable. To say nothing of the fact that I am her guardian.
Algernon I can see no excuse at all for you deceiving a clever, thoroughly experienced young lady like Miss Fairfax. To say nothing of the fact that she is my cousin.
Jack I wanted to be engaged to Gwendolen, that is all. I love her.
Algernon Well, I simply wanted to be engaged to Cecily. I adore her.
Jack There is certainly no chance of your marrying Miss Cardew.
Algernon And I don’t think it’s very likely, Jack, that you and Miss Fairfax will be together. Ooh… muffins…
Jack Well, that’s no business of yours… And how can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble? You seem perfectly heartless.
Algernon
[eating] Well, I can’t eat muffins in a nervous way. The butter would probably get on my sleeves. You should always eat muffins quite calmly. It’s the only way to eat them.
Jack
Well, that’s no reason to eat them all in that greedy way. Give them to me.
Algernon But you just said it was heartless to eat muffins.
Jack Algy, I wish you would go.
Algernon You can’t possibly ask me to go without having some dinner. Besides I have just arranged with Reverend Chasuble to be christened at a quarter to six with the name of Ernest.
Jack My dear fellow, please stop that nonsense. I arranged this morning with Reverend Chasuble to be christened myself at 5.30, and I will, of course, take the name of Ernest. We can’t both be called Ernest. Besides, I have a perfect right to be christened if I like. There is no evidence at all that I have ever been christened by anybody. You, on the other hand, have already been christened.
Algernon Yes, but I haven’t been christened for years.
Jack Yes, but you have been christened. That’s the important thing.
Algernon Yes, so I know I can stand it. You’re not quite sure that you have ever been christened, and I think it would be rather dangerous to do it now. It might make you very unwell.
Jack [eating] Oh, that’s nonsense; you are always talking nonsense.
Algernon Jack, you’re eating the muffins again! I wish you wouldn’t. There are only two left. I told you I was particularly fond of muffins.
Jack Algernon! I have already told you to go. I don’t want you here.
Algernon I haven’t quite finished my tea yet! And there is still one muffin left.
Jack [groans in despair]
Vocabulary
embracing holding someone in your arms to show you love them
deny
to say something is not true
deceived
tricked
cowardly not brave enough to do something they should
Bunburying invented word which means inventing a person (either for yourself or a different person) to give you an excuse for behaving in a different way or to avoid situations
inexcusable describing behaviour that is very bad
muffins small, round breads that are sliced and eaten hot with butter
heartless showing no feeling or consideration for others
Reverend title for a person who performs religious duties in the Christian Church
christened given a name (usually as a baby) during a religious ceremony in the Christian Church
right something a person is allowed to do or have
constitution state of someone’s health
Credits
Miss Cecily Cardew: Alice Brown
Miss Gwendolen Fairfax: Sophie Napleton
Jack Worthing: Tim Gibson
Algernon Moncreiff: Darren Benedict
Narrator: Finn Aberdein
Original play written by: Oscar Wilde
Adaptation by: Sue Mushin
Illustrator: Magdolna Terray
ELT consultant: Catherine Chapman
Producer: Finn Aberdein