Journey back to Victorian London with us for the fifth episode of The Importance of Being Earnest, based on the original comedy by Oscar Wilde.
Algernon is pretending to be Jack’s younger brother, Ernest, so he can win Cecily’s heart. But Jack arrives and says his brother Ernest has just died. What will happen when Jack sees Algernon there? This can’t end well…
Narrator Jack has returned earlier than expected to his house in the country. He’s just told Miss Prism and Reverend Chasuble that his younger brother Ernest is dead. What they don’t know is that Algernon is at the house at this very moment, pretending to be Ernest.
Chasuble I am very sorry about your brother, Mr Worthing. I shall, of course, mention this tragic event in my sermon next Sunday.
Jack That would be most kind, Reverend.
Chasuble ** I can usually adapt** my weekly sermon to almost any occasion, happy or sad – weddings, christenings…
Jack Christenings… Ah! That reminds me, Reverend Chasuble. I suppose you do know how to christen?
Chasuble Well…
Jack
I mean, of course, you often christen people, don’t you?
Chasuble
But which baby do you want to christen, Mr Worthing? Your brother wasn’t married, was he?
Jack Oh no. But it’s not for a child, Reverend. No! It’s me - I’d like to be christened… this afternoon.
Chasuble But surely you have been christened already?
Jack I don’t remember anything about it.
Chasuble
Well, what time would you like the ceremony performed?
Jack Oh, around five if that would suit you?
Chasuble Perfectly!
Narrator Just at this time, Cecily comes out of the house into the garden.
Cecily Uncle Jack! Oh, I am pleased to see you back. But why are you wearing those awful clothes?
Miss Prism Cecily!
Cecily Oh! What’s the matter, Uncle Jack? You look so sad, and I’ve got such a surprise for you. Who do you think is in the dining room? Your brother!
Jack Who?
Cecily Your brother Ernest. He arrived about half an hour ago.
Jack But I haven’t got a brother.
Cecily Oh, don’t say that. However badly he may have behaved to you in the past, he is still your brother. I’ll tell him to come out. You will shake hands with him, won’t you, Uncle Jack?
[Cecily leaves]
Chasuble This is happy news…
Jack My brother here? That’s quite absurd.
Narrator Cecily comes out of the house again, this time holding Algernon’s hand.
Jack Good heavens!
Algernon Brother Jack, I’ve come to tell you that I’m very sorry for all the trouble I’ve given you, and that I plan to lead a better life in the future.
Narrator Jack can’t believe his eyes and stares at his friend. Algernon puts out his hand, but Jack ignores it.
Cecily Uncle Jack, you are not going to refuse to shake your own brother’s hand?
Jack Nothing will make me shake his hand. I think him coming down here is disgraceful. He knows perfectly well why.
Cecily Uncle Jack, do be nice. There is some good in everyone. Ernest has just been telling me about his poor sick friend Mr Bunbury whom he often visits. And there must certainly be a lot of good in someone who is kind to a sick friend.
Jack Oh! He’s been talking about Bunbury, has he?
Cecily Yes, he has told me all about poor Mr Bunbury, and how ill he is.
Jack Bunbury! Well, I won’t let him talk to you about Bunbury or about anything else.
Algernon Of course I admit that I have not behaved well, but I expected a more enthusiastic welcome, especially as it’s the first time I have come here.
Cecily Uncle Jack, if you don’t shake hands with Ernest I’ll never forgive you.
Jack Never forgive me?
Cecily Never!
Jack Well, this is the last time I shall ever do it… There!
Chasuble I think we should leave the two brothers together.
Miss Prism Cecily, you will come with us.
Narrator And so they all go off leaving the men alone. Jack tells Algernon he must leave immediately, but just then, the butler, Merriman, arrives.
Merriman I have put Mr Ernest’s things in the room next to yours, sir. I suppose that is all right?
Jack What?
Merriman Mr Ernest’s luggage, sir.
Jack His luggage?
Merriman Yes, sir.
Jack Merriman, order the carriage at once. Mr Ernest has been suddenly called back to London.
Merriman Yes, sir.
Algernon What a terrible liar you are, Jack. I have not been called back to London at all.
Jack Yes, you have.
Algernon Well, I have to say, Cecily is lovely.
Jack You are not allowed to talk of Miss Cardew like that. I don’t like it.
Algernon Well, I don’t like your clothes. Why don’t you go and change? It is perfectly childish to be in mourning for a man who is actually staying in your house as a guest.
Jack You are certainly not staying with me as a guest or anything else. You are leaving… by the four-five train.
Algernon Well, I won’t leave you while you are in mourning. It would be most unkind. If I was in mourning, I think it would be very unkind if you didn’t stay with me.
Jack Well, will you leave if I change my clothes?
Algernon Yes, if you are not too long. I’ve never known anyone take so long to get dressed and with such little result.
Jack Well, it’s better than always being over-dressed as you are.
Algernon If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by always being immensely over-educated.
Jack Your vanity is ridiculous and your behaviour is an outrage. You have got to catch the four-five back to London. This Bunburying, as you call it, has not been a great success for you.
Narrator Jack leaves.
Algernon [To himself] I think it has been a great success. I’m in love with Cecily. I must see her before I go. Ah, there she is watering the flowers.
Cecily Oh, I just came back to water the roses. I thought you were with Uncle Jack.
Algernon He’s gone to order the carriage for me.
Cecily Oh, is he going to take you for a nice drive?
Algernon He’s going to send me away.
Cecily Then have we got to say goodbye?
Algernon I’m afraid so. It’s a very painful parting.
Cecily It’s always painful to part from people you have only just met. It’s easy to be apart from old friends for a long time. But being apart for just a short period from someone you have just been introduced to is almost unbearable.
Algernon Thank you.
Merriman The carriage is at the door, sir.
Vocabulary
sermon a talk given by a priest or religious leader during a religious ceremony
adapt to change something
christening a Christian ceremony during which a baby is given a name and made a member of the Christian Church
christen to carry out a religious ceremony during which a baby is given a name and made a member of the Christian Church
absurd stupid
disgraceful very bad
invalid a person who is ill or disabled and cannot look after themselves
liar a person who says things that are not true
childish behaving in a silly way, like a young child
mourning custom of wearing black clothes to show sadness for someone who has died
vanity the fact of being too proud of your appearance or abilities
outrage an action that is shocking
parting the act of leaving someone
Credits
Miss Prism: Catherine Chapman
Miss Cecily Cardew: Alice Brown
Reverend Chasuble: Rob Carter
Merriman: Michael Harrison
Algernon Moncreiff: Darren Benedict
Jack Worthing: Tim Gibson
Narrator: Finn Aberdein
Original play written by: Oscar Wilde
Adaptation by: Sue Mushin
Illustrator: Magdolna Terray
ELT consultant: Catherine Chapman
Producer: Finn Aberdein