Journey back to Victorian London with us in the first episode of The Importance of Being Earnest, based on the original comedy by Oscar Wilde.
Algernon Moncreiff lives the lazy and luxurious life of a young, unmarried man in London. His friend Ernest visits and declares he wants to marry Algernon’s cousin. But Ernest is not exactly who he says he is.
Narrator Algernon Moncrieff, a wealthy young man from the upper classes of society, is passing the time playing the piano in his luxurious flat in central London. He’s waiting for his aunt and cousin to come to tea. Algernon is a well-dressed and pleasant-looking man. His servant, Lane, is busy preparing the table.
Algernon Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?
Lane I thought it would be rude to listen, sir.
Algernon Oh, that’s a pity. Now, have you made the cucumber sandwiches yet for Lady Bracknell? They said they would be here at five.
Lane Yes, sir. Here they are.
Algernon Oh! Good… By the way, Lane, I noticed eight bottles of champagne were drunk on Thursday night while I was having dinner with Mr Worthing.
Lane That’s correct, sir.
Algernon Why do bachelors’ servants always drink their champagne?
Lane It’s probably because a bachelor’s wine is better than the wine you’d find in married families.
Algernon Good heavens! Is marriage as bad as that?
Lane** People tell me that it is very pleasant, sir**. I don’t have much experience. I’ve only been married once.
(a bell rings)
Algernon Aha! That will be my dear aunt, Lady Bracknell… Tell her that I’m in the morning room.
Narrator But it isn’t Algernon’s aunt. It’s a young gentleman who follows Lane into the room. He’s good-looking and has a serious expression on his face. Algernon is pleased, though surprised, to see him.
Lane Mr Ernest Worthing.
Algernon How are you, my dear Ernest? What brings you to London?
Jack Oh, pleasure of course!
Algernon Where have you been since last Thursday?
Jack In the country.
Algernon** What on earth** do you do there?
Jack When you are in town you entertain yourself. When you are in the country you entertain other people. It is really quite boring.
Algernon And who do you entertain?
Jack Oh, neighbours.
Algernon Got nice neighbours where you live in Shropshire?
Jack** Perfectly horrid**! Never speak to any of them.
Algernon They must find you very entertaining, then!
Jack Hello! Why all these cups? Why cucumber sandwiches? Who’s coming to tea?
Algernon Oh! Just my aunt Lady Bracknell and… her daughter Gwendolen…
Jack How wonderful!
Algernon Yes, but Lady Bracknell won’t approve of you being here.
Jack Why not?
Algernon My dear fellow, the way you flirt with Gwendolen is perfectly disgraceful. It’s almost as bad as the way Gwendolen flirts with you.
Jack I’m in love with Gwendolen. I’ve come to London to ask her to marry me.
Algernon** You told me you had come here for pleasure**? I call that business.
Jack You are so unromantic!
Algernon I really don’t see anything romantic in proposing. It’s very romantic to be in love. But there’s nothing romantic about asking someone to marry you. They may accept you. Then the excitement is all over. If I ever get married, I’ll certainly try to forget that I am.
Jack I’m sure you will, dear Algy.
Algernon I don’t think you will ever marry Gwendolen.
Jack Why on earth do you say that?
Algernon Well, in the first place, girls never marry the men they flirt with.
Jack Oh, that’s nonsense!
Algernon It’s true. It explains why there are so many bachelors. In the second place, I won’t give you my permission.
Jack Your permission?
Algernon My dear fellow, Gwendolen is my first cousin, and before I allow you to marry her, you will have to explain about… Cecily.
Jack Cecily? What do you mean? Who is Cecily? I don’t know any one called Cecily.
(A bell rings)
Lane You called, sir?
Algernon Bring me that cigarette case Mr Worthing left here last Thursday.
Lane Yes, sir.
Jack Have you had my cigarette case all this time? I wish you’d told me. I’ve been to the police. I nearly offered a large reward.
Algernon Well, I wish you would. I’m quite hard up at the moment.
Jack There’s no point offering a large reward now it’s been found.
Lane The cigarette case, sir.
Algernon I think that’s rather mean of you, Ernest. However, it’s not important now because according to the inscription inside, the case isn’t yours anyway.
Jack Of course it’s mine. You’ve seen me use it hundreds of times. Now, could I have my cigarette case back?
Algernon Yes, but this isn’t your cigarette case. It’s a present from someone called Cecily, and you said you didn’t know anyone of that name.
Jack Well, actually, Cecily is my aunt.
Algernon Your aunt!
Jack Yes. Lovely old lady she is, too. Lives in Tunbridge Wells.
Algernon But why does she call herself “little Cecily” if she is your aunt? “From little Cecily with her fondest love.”
Jack What’s wrong with that? Some aunts are tall, some are small.
Algernon Yes. But why does your aunt call you her uncle? “From little Cecily, with her fondest love to her dear Uncle Jack.” There is no problem, I admit, to an aunt being small, but why should an aunt call her own nephew… uncle? Besides, your name isn’t Jack. It’s Ernest.
Jack It isn’t Ernest. It’s Jack.
Algernon You have always told me it was Ernest. I have introduced you to everyone as Ernest. You look as if your name was Ernest. You are the most earnest-looking person I ever saw in my life – so honest and serious.
Narrator Ah yes, we should just say that the name Ernest was very common at the time, and the adjective ’earnest’ – which sounds exactly the same - means, well, honest and serious.
Algernon Here, it’s written on your card: “Mr Ernest Worthing, B4, The Albany.”
Jack Well, my name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country, and the cigarette case was given to me in the country.
Algernon Yes, but that doesn’t explain why your small Aunt Cecily calls you her dear uncle. Or why you have two names to start with. Come on, you’ll have to explain.
Vocabulary
bachelor man who isn’t married
morning room a room used as a sitting room in the morning
what on earth…? a stronger way of saying ‘what’
Shropshire a rural area in the west part of England beside Wales
perfectly (old-fashioned) completely
horrid awful
approve to think someone or something is good
fellow (old-fashioned) man
flirts behaves towards someone as if romantically or sexually interested in them
proposing asking someone to marry you
hard up (idiom) not having a lot of money
inscription words that are written or cut into something
fondest dearest, most loving
earnest honest, serious and determined
Credits
Algernon Moncreiff: Darren Benedict
Jack Worthing: Tim Gibson
Lane: Neil Edgeller
Narrator: Finn Aberdein
Original play written by: Oscar Wilde
Adaptation by: Sue Mushin
Illustrator: Magdolna Terray
ELT consultant: Catherine Chapman
Producer: Finn Aberdein